Written by Lauren Weber, 12th Rock Programs & Events Administrator
I have always enjoyed competitions. When I was little, I would willingly race any kid who would accept my challenge and accept almost any dare. I was born competitive, and that personality trait developed, grew and finally found its home in sports. Starting in middle school, I was eager to be the best at every sport I played. I would shoot baskets in my driveway, throw the softball and practice sliding well past dark, and drive my parents crazy with my volleyball passes in the living room. I found great value in the hard work it took to be good at something. I also loved the praise and encouragement I received from winning and working hard. I determined that my main purpose and identity was being an athlete.
I worked very hard to maintain this identity. I played on every travel team I could, joined every league for Softball and Volleyball. I even played in an indoor softball league (who knew that was even a thing?!). I worked and worked, and my goal became to get a college scholarship. My sister was an elite basketball player, and I watched how sought after she was by universities, and I wanted that. I put so much pressure on myself that any setback or failure felt like a display of my iniquity. I began to lose the joy that I always had from playing sports I loved and replaced it with fear and insecurity that I would not be good enough to accomplish my goals. Even though my parents encouraged me to have fun, I was scared of who I would be if I was not an elite athlete. I thought I would lose my worth and appeal if I failed.
Thankfully while I was pursuing my athletic career, I also began a personal relationship with Jesus. I began to read the Bible, and I started to understand a different identity in the eyes of God. Ephesians 2:10 says, “10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” It was hard for me to believe that God valued me regardless of my athletic accomplishments. According to the Bible, I could be the best athlete or the worst, and that would not change what God thought about me. As I began to understand God’s unconditional love, I began to release the pressure I was putting on myself to be the best. I was able to make the shift from playing sports to prove who I was to play sports to enjoy who I am. I began to enjoy my relationships more and reclaim the joy I had been missing.
When it was time to decide about college, and the athletic pursuits and scholarships started to arrive, I decided to decline them all. It was a very hard decision, because I did love the sports I was playing, but I wanted to rest from the pace and wanted to create space to study and do ministry. I was scared I would deeply regret not playing sports in college, but God gave me so much peace of mind about my decision.
After college, I went into full-time ministry with Young Life. While on Staff, I fell back into the pattern of trying to prove myself, this time proving my faith, by how hard I worked. I once again put a lot of pressure on myself and had to be reminded by God that my value is not determined by how hard I work, but who I am in Christ. I would think about Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God” and once again realize that God is in control and values who I am, not judge me on what I do.
Identity is a theme and struggle that comes up often in my life. As an athlete, a professional and now as a mother I struggle to remember that my value does not come from how hard I can work. Knowing that my identity and value are determined by the love of Christ, my hard work and effort has shifted from feeling pressure, stress and ultimately not good enough into the confidence and joy that I experience in all of the challenges I tackle. As life brings different challenges and unexpected changes, I can pursue all aspects of life with peace because I am confident that God is in control and that I am completely known and loved.